i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
