Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
