just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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