I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
