Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
