I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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