hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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