Please, let me fuck your mom
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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