it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
