fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have surprise drugs for everyone
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
