I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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