he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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