He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
