when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
