My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
