It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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