Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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