Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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