i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
