Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
