her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
