can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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