She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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