i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
