K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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