i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
