He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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