when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
