we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Watching her eat just hurts me
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
