Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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