bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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