there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
