Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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