Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
smell my finger.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
