I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
