can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
