He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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