oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
