So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
