just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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