alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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