her vagina looked like bernie madoff
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Vodka?
Forever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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