I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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