New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
