Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
