Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
