when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
