Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
