whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
