clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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